Everything I Know about Marketing I learned from Google

Round 3: PPC MC vs. SEO Rapper

May 5, 2011 by Aaron Goldman

Debuted this vid just before the live SEO PPC Rap Battle at the Search Insider Summit today. Had intended to get it out last week and give Chuck some time to respond but work and family got in the way of my rap. Damn priorities!

Big ups to my main man Will Crew for the backing track here.

Lyrics below…

Check it out, I’m back, picked myself off the mat.
Thought you had me knocked down? I ain’t goin’ out like that!

I came to bring the pain, can you feel it mayne?
And speaking of mayne, what’s up with rhyming everything with mayne.

You’re like Snoop Dogg, mayne, except he’s got the izzle.
Put it at the end of each line to make it rhyme in a tizzle.


Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

You got one move, you’re totally mono.
But I’m versatile. Don’t like my shades? Call me Bono.

Your rap’s overproduced if you know what I mean,
Tryin’ to cover up broke rhymes by flashing words on the screen.

Wearin’ a Google Me shirt, man you like hell.
Had to make your own cuz they don’t sell quadruple XL.

Back to round 1 when you were rappin’ in your crib,
Man your rhymes were dribblin’, you needed a bib.

Looking larger than life, thinkin’ that you’re winnin’.
Man, you’re so big you made that hoop look mini.

And then in round 2 you found a brick wall to mess with,
Hope you had that ceiling checked for asbestos!

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

And speaking of bricks, how you gonna call me out?
I own Chicago, mayne, so don’t make me shout.

Damn right I was all state back in the day,
When MJ was winnin’ rings, I was making hay.

Check out these hops, that’s my high school musical.
You can’t get off the ground with your 1 inch vertical.

Now I’ll spare you the rest of my greatest hits,
Just call me the champ. Hey, if the shoe fits.

Size 14 baby, you know what they say,
The bigger your paycheck, the bigger your pay.

We ain’t even in the same league, you call that lyrical abuse?
Man if I’m on tiger blood, you on kitty cat juice!

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

I’m CMO fool, got no time to produce vids,
Tryin’ to keep battlin’ you and raise my 3 kids.

No way I’ll take off my visor and bow to your Astros hat.
Hey, let’s hope your bros can come wake up the bats.

When this video comes out, your first 2 will be rated flops,
My production may be amateur but I got more props than Carrot Top.

You’re all sizzle, Chuck, time to show me the steak.
Step out from behind the computer if you ain’t a fake.

Callin’ yourself the SEO king…
You ain’t even on page 1 if you know what I mean.

But you can Google me and you will see,
I even got people bidding on me!

Lyrical G.
Cuz I’m so lyrical.

Don’t talk to me about ad groups and other PPC tactics,
My quality score’s so high, I don’t even need practice.

I launch right out the gate and Google knows,
My ad copy is tight and my landing page flows.

I scream relevancy from my head to my toes,
And my rhymes are tight too, like a poet’s prose.

It’s prophetic… Ya get it?
PPC’s so sexy that you Right Said Fred It.

SEO keeps you waiting while traffic lags,
As you toil away over meta tags,

I make it rain at the register with instant clicks.
While you tryin’ to catch fire by rubbin’ 2 sticks.

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

Now I ain’t sayin’ SEO don’t have its place.
But I am sayin’ if you wanna win the race.

Sometimes ya just gotta pick up the pace.
So sit back while I bring these rhymes to your face.

Bad reputation you wanna erase?
PPC is instant, it’s like mace!
SEO like’s the thrill of the chase.
But PPC eliminates all the waste.
So, if you want results you can taste.
Then, get hip to PPC with no haste.
So there, I think I’ll rest my case.

That’s my lesson for today, no need to thank me.
I don’t use link farms so Google won’t spank me.

In fact they’ll reward me with all kinds of tchotckes
It’s like 8 days of Hannukah and I got the latkes.

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

When we’re down in Florida for SIS,
We will settle the score, but if I’m taking bets.

It’ll be PPC MC 1, SEO Rapper 0,
I’ll walk outta that joint an SEM hero.

You’ll catch the early flight back to H-town,
While I assume my title and don my crown.

You’ll be left with your lame moves, call it the page rank.
You’ll wonder what went wrong when your street cred tanks.

So here’s the deal, crowd will vote for the winner.
The loser does the other’s dance at dinner.

If you win, I’ll get on the table and do the page rank.
But if I win, Chuck, you gotta take the Google spank.

Lyrical G.

We got a deal?
You know I’m for real.

Cuz I’m so lyrical.

Just won round 3.

So next time we’ll see you in Captiva, Chuck.
I wish you luck!

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