Googley Lessons Rap

Here’s the $2 bill I dropped at the end of my session at SES Chicago today. Lyrics below…

To all the marketers tryin’ to be frugal,
Buy my book today, learn some lessons from Google.

You’ll find practical tips a plenty,
Through my Googley Lessons 1 through 20.

There’s Chapter 1: Relevancy Rules.
Stay true to your niche, don’t act a fool.

Chapter 2: Tap the Wisdom of Crowds.
Join the conversation, don’t shout out loud.

Chapter 3: Keep it Simple, Stupid.
Attract customers like Cupid.

Chapter 4: Mindset Matters.
Take it from the cat in the pleather hatter.

Chapter 5: Be Where Your Audience Is.
It’s the one sure way to grow your biz.

Chapter 6: Don’t Interrupt.
[cough, cough, cough] Aiight.

Chapter 7: Act Like Content.
It’s the icing on the cake. No, wait, that’s fondant.

Chapter 8: Test Everything.
Do it and make your marketing sing.

Chapter 9: Track Everything.
Do it and watch the cash register ring.
(Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching, ching, ching, cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.)

Chapter 10: Let the Data Decide.
Do the math and then ride, Sally, ride.

Chapter 11: Brands can be Answers.
Just like Jews can be great dancers. [Interlude]

Chapter 12: Your USP is Critical.
It’s Marketing 101. Cut the Umbilical.

Chapter 13: Your Competition’s Broader than You Think.
You’re up against everyone but the kitchen sink.

Chapter 14: You Can Learn a Lot from a Query.
Just ask Eric or Sergey or Larry.

Chapter 15, that is is Sex Sells.
Do it and ring the sales bell.
(Ding, ding, dong. Ding-a-ding ding, ding, dong. Keep the bells ringin’.)

Or Chapter 16: Altruism Sells.
Try it and go to marketing heaven, not hell.

Chapter 17: Show Off Your Assets.
Shake what you got and then place your bets.

Chapter 18: The More Shelf Space the Better.
If you don’t know that, behind the ears, you are wetter.

Chapter 19: Make Your Company a Great Story.
Do it and capture all of the glory.

Chapter 20: Don’t Rely on SEM Alone.
If you don’t know that, son, then it’s time to go home.

There you have it. 20 lessons from me.
Guaranteed to make your business Googley.

Buy my book today, enjoy it with some noodle kugel.
Everything I Know About Marketing I Learned From Google.