Last week, I pulled out all the analogies in the book (hey, there’s another one!) to describe search and social marketing at the SIM Partners SIMposium at the (too legit) Wit Hotel in Chicago.

Below is my presentation and below that is my (too legit) rap…

Yesterday, I presented at the Internet Retailer Conference and Exhibition with Sachin Gadhvi, director of search and mobile marketing at TicketsNow. The topic we addressed was “How to Turn Dynamic Inventory, Seasonality, and Promotions into an SEM Advantage” and the answer was easy… via automation. Although, as we discussed, you still need a healthy dose of human strategy and intervention because the machine needs to be properly calibrated to your business needs and goals. Methinks the rap I threw down at the end of the session could’ve used some intervention as well, particularly by way of offering any other closing line than “yeah-yeah-ee.” See below for deck and video.

Last week I took the stage at ad:tech San Francisco with my peeps Kevin Lange from SMG Search and Bryan Kelley from Ampush Media to discuss the similarities and differences between Google and Facebook (deck embedded below) and lo and behold a rap battle broke out.

Unlike the Search Insider Summit, where I got pounded by the SEO Rapper, I set up a battle I couldn’t lose. Yep, I battled myself! In character, though, as Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook and (after a near wardrobe malfunction at 1:25 in the video) Larry Page from Google. Round 2 featured Sergey Brin vs. Sheryl Sandberg aka me vs. me again.

Who won? All Voices called it a draw (man I can’t even beat myself!) so you be the judge…

Otherwise this Q&A would’ve gone D&O (down and out)…

Today I kicked off Day 2 of the Social Media Optimization Conference (SMOC) with a keynote presentation and, of course, a rap.

I had originally intended to introduce the acronym SAM (Social Advertising Marketing) but switched to SMA (Social Media Advertising) to keep in line with the theme of SMO (Social Media Optimization). While SAM certainly has a better ring to it, SMA seemed a better contextual fit.

Speaking of context, seeing as how SMOC was in San Francisco, I likened social media to marketing “without a net” and drew upon the Grateful Dead as my influence for the improvisational rap that followed my presentation.

Here are the slides I ripped through. Below that is a video of the last 5 minutes of the keynote and a 90 second social media rap. And after that is the rapping Q&A session in which I coined the new buzzword “dinterest” (digital interest) after not being able to think of anything that rhymed with interest. Could’ve used some “Help on the Way…”

Check out the video below to see how it went down today. Chuck was crowned the winner but I think I held my own and am already working on getting a rematch!

As Rob Wilk from Yahoo put it, “If it’s any consolation, out of the 100 people in the room, you were the second best rapper.” (To which I replied, “And if it’s any consolation, Yahoo is  the second best search engine.”)

FYI, you can watch the 12 minutes leading up to the freestyle on the MediaPost Facebook page.

And make sure to peep the Round 3 video I debuted on stage before the live battle.

Debuted this vid just before the live SEO PPC Rap Battle at the Search Insider Summit today. Had intended to get it out last week and give Chuck some time to respond but work and family got in the way of my rap. Damn priorities!

Big ups to my main man Will Crew for the backing track here.

Lyrics below…

Check it out, I’m back, picked myself off the mat.
Thought you had me knocked down? I ain’t goin’ out like that!

I came to bring the pain, can you feel it mayne?
And speaking of mayne, what’s up with rhyming everything with mayne.

You’re like Snoop Dogg, mayne, except he’s got the izzle.
Put it at the end of each line to make it rhyme in a tizzle.

Mayne.

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

You got one move, you’re totally mono.
But I’m versatile. Don’t like my shades? Call me Bono.

Your rap’s overproduced if you know what I mean,
Tryin’ to cover up broke rhymes by flashing words on the screen.

Wearin’ a Google Me shirt, man you like hell.
Had to make your own cuz they don’t sell quadruple XL.

Back to round 1 when you were rappin’ in your crib,
Man your rhymes were dribblin’, you needed a bib.

Looking larger than life, thinkin’ that you’re winnin’.
Man, you’re so big you made that hoop look mini.

And then in round 2 you found a brick wall to mess with,
Hope you had that ceiling checked for asbestos!

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

And speaking of bricks, how you gonna call me out?
I own Chicago, mayne, so don’t make me shout.

Damn right I was all state back in the day,
When MJ was winnin’ rings, I was making hay.

Check out these hops, that’s my high school musical.
You can’t get off the ground with your 1 inch vertical.

Now I’ll spare you the rest of my greatest hits,
Just call me the champ. Hey, if the shoe fits.

Size 14 baby, you know what they say,
The bigger your paycheck, the bigger your pay.

We ain’t even in the same league, you call that lyrical abuse?
Man if I’m on tiger blood, you on kitty cat juice!

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

I’m CMO fool, got no time to produce vids,
Tryin’ to keep battlin’ you and raise my 3 kids.

No way I’ll take off my visor and bow to your Astros hat.
Hey, let’s hope your bros can come wake up the bats.

When this video comes out, your first 2 will be rated flops,
My production may be amateur but I got more props than Carrot Top.

You’re all sizzle, Chuck, time to show me the steak.
Step out from behind the computer if you ain’t a fake.

Callin’ yourself the SEO king…
You ain’t even on page 1 if you know what I mean.

But you can Google me and you will see,
I even got people bidding on me!

Lyrical G.
Cuz I’m so lyrical.

Don’t talk to me about ad groups and other PPC tactics,
My quality score’s so high, I don’t even need practice.

I launch right out the gate and Google knows,
My ad copy is tight and my landing page flows.

I scream relevancy from my head to my toes,
And my rhymes are tight too, like a poet’s prose.

It’s prophetic… Ya get it?
PPC’s so sexy that you Right Said Fred It.

SEO keeps you waiting while traffic lags,
As you toil away over meta tags,

I make it rain at the register with instant clicks.
While you tryin’ to catch fire by rubbin’ 2 sticks.

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

Now I ain’t sayin’ SEO don’t have its place.
But I am sayin’ if you wanna win the race.

Sometimes ya just gotta pick up the pace.
So sit back while I bring these rhymes to your face.

Bad reputation you wanna erase?
PPC is instant, it’s like mace!
SEO like’s the thrill of the chase.
But PPC eliminates all the waste.
So, if you want results you can taste.
Then, get hip to PPC with no haste.
So there, I think I’ll rest my case.

That’s my lesson for today, no need to thank me.
I don’t use link farms so Google won’t spank me.

In fact they’ll reward me with all kinds of tchotckes
It’s like 8 days of Hannukah and I got the latkes.

Lyrical G.
He’s so lyrical.

When we’re down in Florida for SIS,
We will settle the score, but if I’m taking bets.

It’ll be PPC MC 1, SEO Rapper 0,
I’ll walk outta that joint an SEM hero.

You’ll catch the early flight back to H-town,
While I assume my title and don my crown.

You’ll be left with your lame moves, call it the page rank.
You’ll wonder what went wrong when your street cred tanks.

So here’s the deal, crowd will vote for the winner.
The loser does the other’s dance at dinner.

If you win, I’ll get on the table and do the page rank.
But if I win, Chuck, you gotta take the Google spank.

Lyrical G.

We got a deal?
You know I’m for real.

Cuz I’m so lyrical.

PPC MC,
Just won round 3.

So next time we’ll see you in Captiva, Chuck.
I wish you luck!

The Ultimate SEO PPC Rap Battle continues and it looks like we’re a lock to do this live at the next Search Insider Summit in Captiva. Giddyup!

Lyrics below.

Update: Chuck came back strong… see the bottom of this post for his response.

Alright stop whatcha doin’
Cuz I’m about to ruin
The rapper known as Mo Serious.
See he came after me
The PPC MC
With some rhymes that were quite delirious.
Talkin’ bout I’m on drugs and other crazy things.
The only drug I’m on is Charlie Sheen.
Winning!
Yeah, I may be a diva but I earned that right.
I got more screaming fans than those dudes on Twilight.
Maybe I should quit rapping and stick to writing books,
But I can aways get by on these good looks.
You’re like the cat from Jersey Shore that nobody missed,
With that way in every video that you’re pumpin’ your fist.
C’mon, what is that move, Chuck? Seriously!
But enough about you and enough about me.
Let’s get back to SEO and PPC.
Chuck, you backed the wrong horse, now you’re going down.
I’m gonna slay you in Florida and steal your crown.
Cuz PPC’s the one that pays the bills.
SEO’s for them with those hacker skills.
You’ll do anything for links, beg, borrow or bait ’em,
You worship Matt Cutts. Man it looks like you ate him!
You’re obsessed with position, aways tryin’ to get on the top.
But with PPC you buy your way in like K-Fed with hip hop.
Yeah, I may look like that dude. Hell I’m probably whiter.
But I can guarantee you that my rhymes are tighter.
“Oops I did it again” is what you say when you screw up,
Get your client blacklisted when your link farm blew up.
PPC’s more controlled. Sure you pay the price.
But I’d rather do that then roll them SEO dice.
It can take IT forever to update your website.
But with PPC your ad is up overnight.
Now I’m gonna save somethin’ up for when we battle in Captiva,
You best stay out the sun so you don’t catch a fever.
When we go live, we’ll all see what you’re worth.
You call yourself the King? More like Colin Firth.
S, S, SEO… heeeell no.
Chuck, you’re quite the producer. I ain’t gonna lie,
But let’s see what happens when we go on the fly.
No machines, no rehearsals, no do-overs,
And I know the SIS crowd won’t be sober.
It’ll be like 8 Mile and I’m B-rabbit.
I’m gonna make owning you my personal habit.
That’s all I got, Chuck. Time to take your lumps.
And while we all fade out, let’s do Chuck’s fist pumps.
C’mon. Pump it up. Pump it up.
I got him.
Peace.

Yesterday, I upped the ante in my campaign to get the SEO Rapper to battle me on stage at a trade show with the video call-out below.

On Wednesday, I’ll keep after him in my Search Insider column and suggest the upcoming Search Insider Summit in Florida as the venue.

Let’s see if Chuck bites or if he’s all bark.

Update: see the video at the bottom of the post… Chuck bit… hard!

Lyrics:

Wassup, how ya doin’, it’s the Lyrical G,
Masquerading as the PPC MC.

Bursting on the scene to battle SEO.
Reppin’ paid search with my smooth flow.

See SEO can land your brand in the crapper.
Just ask JC Penney or the SEO Rapper.

Maybe he could help ’em get links honestly.
But I can manage reputation with PPC.

Get ’em an instant listing right there on the side.
‘Til they can fix their organic and stem the tide.

See PPC’s the one with instant ROI.
And I’m the one rapper that is supa supa fly.

So I’m throwing down the challenge, right here, right now.
SEO or PPC, which one is the cash cow.

Big Chuck, if you’re watching, I’m coming for you.
PPC’s my game over at Kenshoo.

I want to battle at the next trade show.
Just you, me and a mic, c’mon dude, let’s go!

Cash Money Baby!

The theme of Day 3 at the Search Insider Summit is consumers, privacy, and data. So, naturally, I had to kick things off with a little Vanilla Ice, “Search Search Data.” This time, DJ Rob threw down the beats on Garage Band. Lyrics below and be sure to check out Day 1 – Park City Love and Day 2 – Fresh Prince of Deer Valley.

Alright stop tracking me and listen,
Don’t take data without permission.

Something you shouldn’t be taking this lightly,
Data is keeping me up daily and nightly.

What all do you track?
Yo, I don’t know.
I turn off the lights,
And Google knows.

To the extreme, all the data you handle,
Scrub it all fresh like a Yankee candle.

Dance, around the topic that looms,
You know if I’m single or if I’m a groom.

Deadly, when you start tracking my family.
Now you got my address? Man, that’s a felony.

Love it or leave it, data’s coming your way.
Leverage it all and then make your pay.

If there was a cookie, yo, you’ll count it.
Check out my clicks while your datamart pounds it.

Search Search data.
Don’t Track Me.
Search Search data.
Don’t Track Me.
Search Search Data.
Don’t Track Me…

Out.