In August of 2008, I wrote a column titled, “If I Were Running Google.”

Two weeks ago, I revisited that column to see what came of my ideas.

Yesterday, I wrote a new column offering 5 things I’d do If I Were Google CEO.

We’ll see if Larry Page takes me up on any of these. My guess is he’s too busy running Google right now to do much reading.

If you can spare a few minutes, though, I suggest queuing up this track as background music. And this song would work too if you added a few zeros.

Image Source

Over the past week, I’ve been busy “Future-Proofing.” Below are links and lists from bylines I’ve written sharing my expectations for the coming year. We’ll see how things shake out but the one thing I’m certain of is that 2011′s gonna be Googley!

Ten Search Marketing Hot Spots To Watch In 2011
1. Local
2. Social ads
3. The social graph
4. Mobile
5. Attribution
7. Display
8. Video
9. Search
10. Apps

10 Crazy 2011 SEM Predictions
1. Facebook will create its own search engine
2. Apple will create its own search engine
3. Groupon will create its own search engine
4. EBay will create its own search engine
5. Google will fall below 60% U.S. search query market share
6. Google will buy TiVo
8. Comcast will buy Yahoo
9. Adobe will buy AOL
10. You will buy my book

Image Source: iStockPhoto (actually paid for)

The theme of Day 3 at the Search Insider Summit is consumers, privacy, and data. So, naturally, I had to kick things off with a little Vanilla Ice, “Search Search Data.” This time, DJ Rob threw down the beats on Garage Band. Lyrics below and be sure to check out Day 1 – Park City Love and Day 2 – Fresh Prince of Deer Valley.

Alright stop tracking me and listen,
Don’t take data without permission.

Something you shouldn’t be taking this lightly,
Data is keeping me up daily and nightly.

What all do you track?
Yo, I don’t know.
I turn off the lights,
And Google knows.

To the extreme, all the data you handle,
Scrub it all fresh like a Yankee candle.

Dance, around the topic that looms,
You know if I’m single or if I’m a groom.

Deadly, when you start tracking my family.
Now you got my address? Man, that’s a felony.

Love it or leave it, data’s coming your way.
Leverage it all and then make your pay.

If there was a cookie, yo, you’ll count it.
Check out my clicks while your datamart pounds it.

Search Search data.
Don’t Track Me.
Search Search data.
Don’t Track Me.
Search Search Data.
Don’t Track Me…

Out.

Following yesterday’s take on 2Pac California Love, today I channeled Will Smith for a rendition of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song to kick off Day 2 of the Search Insider Summit. Props to Rob McEvily on the beat and Junmian Sun on the video production. Lyrics below…

In West Deer Valley, I was amazed…
On the ski slopes is where I spend most of my days.

Chillin’ out, rappin’, actin’ like a fool.
Tryin’ to make this SEM game look cool.

When a coupla butlers who were trying to do good.
Started doin’ things I never thought they would.

I got one fruit plate with apples, strawberries and pears.
I said, “Nice to see you again Jeeves, have you lost all your hair?”

Whistler’s pretty nice this time of year.
But Deer Valley is fresh, we got funiculars up in here.

If anything I could say this place was rare,
But I thought, nah, forget it… when I ski, I get air!

[Freestyle interlude]

One more verse, it’s the last one here.
These rhymes I don’t rehearse, that must be clear.

Let me see, forgot what I was gonna say.
Gotta gotta gotta get down on my knees and pray.

I remember it, here we go, here we go…

[End freestyle]

I got down to the show a few minutes after 8,
And I yelled to Ken Fadner, yo holmes, sorry I’m late!

I’m about to kick it off right here too,
It’s time to get my rap off cuz it’s day 2!

Peace.

Today I kicked off my role as MC of the MediaPost Search Insider Summit with an intro to the theme of “All Roads Lead Through Search” and an interpretation of 2Pac’s California Love with my man Rob McEvily (who also created the poster above) working the beatbox. Skip to about 10 minutes in if you just want the rap and see below for the lyrics…

Update: Check out Day 2 with the Fresh Prince of Deer Valley!

I’d like to welcome everybody to SIS,
This show is unstoppable, you know it’s the best.

The sessions will be hot and we’ve got skiing galore,
Be sure to pack your vest before you head out the door.

We’ve got all search geeks in this room, where the search geeks be?
The search geeks that never leave the spreadsheets empty.

And these geeks, they run the marketing machines.
Spend a lot of coin on Google, Yahoo, and Bing.

I’ve been in the game for 10 years so I’m old school,
Ever since Sergey and Larry were countin’ links fool.

Now it’s 2010 and we’re way past beta,
It’s like we unlocked the Fort Knox of data.

It’s all good from the conference to the slopes,
If you ain’t meetin’ others, you ain’t makin’ the most.

So throw your hands up if you feel the same way.
Welcome to SIS. The show starts today!

SIS, no doubt about it.
SIS, knows how to party.
In the city…. city of Park.
In the city…city of Park.
Keep on searchin’, keep on searchin’, yeah!

Last week brought word that Google is being investigated by the European Commission for abusing its dominant market position and preventing competition (aka acting like a monoploy) with the way it ranks websites in organic listings. Naturally, Google responded by playeing its trump card of “we only do what’s best for users.” Ahh, gotta love the altruism!

Laurie Sullivan covered the news in her MediaPost piece, “EU Opens Antitrust Probe Into Google SEO And Paid-Search Practices.”

When asked for my position on Google abusing its position by “manipulating rankings,” here’s what I told Laurie…

“Manipulating rankings” is Google’s business model. The question is whether it is manipulating maliciously and stifling competition in the process. It will be tough to make this case. Google has a long track record of manipulating rankings solely for the purpose of giving searchers more relevant results.

(Update: check out this highlight video created by the good folks at Catalyst Ranch.)

2 nights ago, I had the pleasure of dropping some knowledge (and rhymes) with an eclectic gathering of friends, family, and colleagues at the always eclectic Catalyst Ranch.

Over the course of 90 minutes, I powerpointed, whiteboarded, and rapped my way to a donation of about $200 and 50 used children’s books for Open Books, a local Chicago non-profit that promotes literacy.

Besides the unique format and venue, this event was unique because my mom and dad (and wife!) were in attendance. This was the first time they had seen me present anything book (or work) related in public. Needless to say, when it came to my trademark $2 bill at the end, I had to do a little bit of self-censorship so what you’re about to see is rated very PG….

Things got interesting when I decided to take a page from Emeril’s playbook and “kick things up a notch.” I asked the audience for 10 words to incorporate into my rap. Here’s the list they came up with:

Hannuka
Purple
Bears
Relevance
Orange
Money
Altruism
Shoes
Echo
Literacy

Let’s just say this was one funky mad lib…

Thanks to Larry Bak from Elevate Studios for the steady hand recording these on his iPhone. Now that’s what I call FaceTime!

That’s the title of the guest post I penned for the McGraw-Hill Professional blog today in advance of Small Business Saturday.

In it, I share tips for Googling your small business to get to the top of, well, Google!

Here’s a fairly extensive Q&A I did with Guy Kawasaki for Amex OPEN Forum. In it, I share some practical tips for applying my Googley Lessons to the SMB space and also take some shots at Rupert Murdoch and those new-fangled check-in social media platforms. Thank you Guy for the opportunity to “open” up a bit here!

What Small Business Can Learn From Google

Did a quick interview with Catalyst Ranch today in advance  of my Dec. 1st Match Books session.  Here’s how I pitched the event to my colleagues, friends, and family…

If you’ve never been to Catalyst Ranch, it’s quite the unique venue filled with all the accoutrements to satisfy your ADD. Think play-dough and pipe cleaners… ok, stop thinking about them and get back to my email!

During this session (which will only go 60-90 minutes, leaving the rest for socializing), I’ll be toggling between white-board exercises, powerpoint (no more than 7 words per slide, promise!) and rapping.

As you know, I’m not one for over-hyping (hah!) but I’m fixin’ to outdo the 2 minute rap I threw down at SES Chicago a few weeks ago.

Counting on audience participation throughout so bring your energy, ideas, and beat-boxes. :)

Here are the nitty-gritty deets. See the email below for the full pitch. And feel free to invite others.

Date: Wednesday, December 1st, 2010 from 6pm to 8:30 pm
Location: Catalyst Ranch, 656 W Randolph St, Chicago
Cost: $20/person or 2 new children’s books (all proceeds & books will be donated to Open Books). Light refreshments will be served.

Hope to see you there! Please register through this link.